ISBN 9780992912796 (paperback), 218 pages

Start seeing things you never saw before—in yourself and in others.

Why do people think, feel, and behave the way they do? Why do even intelligent people sabotage themselves, repeat the same mistakes, and cling to comforting illusions? And how can you know when you are deceiving yourself?

Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love. —Dostoevsky

Self-deception is universal. It shapes our relationships, ambitions, fears, beliefs, and sense of self. It can protect us from painful truths, but it can also blind us to reality, limit our growth, and distort our understanding of ourselves and others.

The psychology of self-deception offers a powerful lens on human nature. It helps explain why we fall in love with the wrong people, cling to false beliefs, repeat destructive patterns, scapegoat others, and struggle to see ourselves clearly. In doing so, it illuminates deeper questions about identity, happiness, meaning, and the good life.

In this book, you’ll discover:

• Why self-deception is part and parcel of the human condition.
• The hidden costs—and surprising benefits—of self-deception.
• The difference between denial, repression, and suppression.
• The psychology of infatuation and ‘love at first sight’.
• Why some forms of self-deception are healthier and more mature than others.
• Where the boundaries lie between self-deception, personality disorder, and mental disorder.
• How to recognize self-deception in yourself and in others.
• How to work with your own psychology rather than against it.
• And much more.

About the author

Dr Neel Burton FRSA is a psychiatrist and philosopher. He is a Fellow of Green-Templeton College in the University of Oxford, and the recipient of several book prizes. His work features regularly in the likes of Aeon and Psychology Today, and has been translated into several languages. He has been writing on self-deception and thinking skills for nearly two decades.

Editorial reviews

Burton provides an excellent explanation of how we use psychological defence mechanisms to protect ourselves from painful truths. —The Psychiatrist

A nuanced examination… Burton’s exploration of self-deception is intellectually appealing, both for readers steeped in psychoanalytic thought and the layperson. An abundance of everyday examples clearly illustrates a range of behaviours, from denial and repression to scapegoating and magical thinking… —The US Review of Books (Recommended)

Burton guides the reader to unlearn, rediscover, and return to wholeness. It is a journey out of Plato’s cave… —The International Review of Books

A University of Oxford psychiatrist examines the psychological underpinnings of self-deception—and how taking action to counter these defence mechanisms can help you see your life, emotions, and abilities in an entirely new light. —BookBub

A compelling exploration of the stories we tell ourselves—and the truths we struggle to face.

From the author

Some time after the publication of this book, I received a letter from a reader asking whether ‘seeing the bright side’, ‘finding a silver lining’, or ‘turning misfortune into opportunity’ are simply forms of self-deception. 

They pointed out that reframing rejection—whether in love, work, or illness—often seems less like illusion and more like healthy adaptation. For example, a person rejected for a job may say they are ‘keeping doors open’ or ‘gaining life experience’, while a cancer patient may feel they have gained a deeper appreciation of life. Surely, the reader suggested, these are not examples of self-deception. 

I replied: That’s a very good question. How do we know when we’re deceiving ourselves, rather than learning or growing from our experiences, or just making the best out of a bad situation? By its very nature, self-deception is hard to distinguish from the truth—whether our internal, emotional truth, or the external, objective truth. 

You have to develop and trust your intuition, and ask yourself: ‘What does it feel like to react in the way that I’m reacting?’ Does it feel calm, considered, and nuanced, or shallow and knee-jerk? Am I taking the welfare of others into consideration, or is it just all about me? Am I satisfied with, even proud of, my self-conquering effort, or am I left feeling small, anxious, and a little ashamed? 

Self-deception doesn’t ‘add up’ in the grand scheme and can easily be brought down by even superficial questioning. As with a jigsaw, try to look at the bigger picture of your life and see how the belief or reaction might fit in. Did you react from a position of strength or vulnerability? What would the person you most respect think? What would Socrates think? Ask others for their opinion. If they challenge or disagree with you, does that make you feel angry, upset, or defensive? The nature of your reaction and its congruity can speak volumes about the character of your motives. 

Finally, truth is constructive and adaptive, while lies are destructive or self-defeating. So how useful is a self-deceptive thought or reaction going to be for you? Are you just covering up an irrational fear to get by, or creating a solid foundation for the future? Are you empowering yourself to fulfil your highest potential, or depriving yourself of opportunities for growth and creating further problems down the line? 

Is the cycle simply going to repeat itself, or will the truth, at last, make you free?