Essays on Relationships

By Dr Neel Burton — Psychiatrist, philosopher, and wine writer; Fellow of Green Templeton College, University of Oxford; author of over twenty books.

Why do we need one another?

Human beings are social animals. We are born helpless, grow up in relationships, and spend much of our lives seeking recognition, intimacy, friendship, and love. Even our sense of who we are is formed, in large part, through other people.

And yet relationships are among the greatest sources of difficulty and suffering. We long for closeness but also for freedom; for intimacy without dependence, love without loss, recognition without judgement. Get too close and we risk losing ourselves; stay too far apart and we risk loneliness. As Schopenhauer understood, the problem is often one of finding the right distance.

The ancient philosophers placed friendship at the heart of the good life. Aristotle went so far as to say that no one would choose to live without friends, even if he possessed every other good. Romantic love has since taken on much of this burden, promising not merely companionship but completion, fulfilment, and even salvation. It is a great deal to ask of another person.

The essays gathered here explore friendship and romantic love, empathy and narcissism, intimacy and independence, desire and loss, loneliness and modern connection. Above all, they ask what it means to encounter another person not merely as someone who can satisfy our needs, but as another centre of experience: someone to know, to recognise, and, if we are fortunate, to love.

Featured Essays

Why Modern Connection Feels Strangely Empty — How We Stopped Needing One Another

Aristotle on Friendship — Why Friendship is Essential to the Good Life

Empathy vs Sympathy: What’s the Difference? — The Psychology and Philosophy of Pity, Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion

Schopenhauer’s Hedgehog Dilemma — Finding the Right Distance Between Self and Others

The Myth Of Narcissus and Its Meaning — A Psychiatrist and Philosopher Interprets the Myth of Narcissus

Plato’s Myth of Aristophanes and Its Meaning — Found Your Other Half Yet? A Psychiatrist and Philosopher Explains Plato’s Famous Myth of Soulmates

Can Romantic Love Save Us? — The History and Psychology of Love—and What It Reveals About Love Itself

Why Do We Kiss? — What Kissing Reveals About Us

Nietzsche’s Threesome — The Love Triangle That Ended in Thus Spoke Zarathustra

The Myth of Orpheus and Its Meaning — A Psychiatrist and Philosopher Explores the Myth of Orpheus and Eurydice

The Greek Dog and the Indian Dog | The Odyssey and the Mahabharata — What Homer Can Teach Us About Ghosting

Why We Weep for Odysseus’ Dog — Recognition, Memory, and the Need to Find our Way Home

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